“Are you pain-free now? "

"Are you pain-free now?"

I recently got this question from a reader, who pointed out that it wasn't clear from my blog. Good question, I thought. I should clarify that!

Why the hesitation, you may wonder? Isn't that a simple yes or no answer?

Well, kinda. The simple answer is "Yes" but I have so much hesitation about declaring it. This question made me realize that I fear saying "Yes, I'm pain-free," because if I then ever had a flare-up, people would think I was dishonest or fraudulent.

On the other hand, if I boldly state my success and do remain healthy, then people may develop some ridiculously high expectation of me. I fear saying "I'm pain-free" is the equivalent of saying "I'm perfect for forever and ever and shall never have a health problem again because I've figured it all out!" - and well, I am human. While I acknowledge that I put a ton of work into my recovery and it paid off, life is still a huge mystery, and there is so much I don't understand about how human bodies work.

So, let me explain the gray area between "yes" and "no."

One of the things I have learned from chronic health issues is that they ebb and flow - like, oh, EVERYTHING in life. There is HUGE, ginormous misunderstanding about this in our society, which leads to unneccessary stigma - that we are somehow in one bin (healthy) or the other (unhealthy). People in the "healthy" bin supposedly live happy, productive lives, while those in the "unhealthy" bin wither in obscurity (or something like that.)

But life is not like that. Some people seem "healthy" on the surface but are struggling to manage anxiety, depression, digestive problems, or whatever behind the scenes. Many people with long-term health challenges lead joyful, productive lives both personally and professionally. Also, even robust physically "healthy" folk are still human and face other challenges. We all have ups and downs of some kind or another. We all have strengths and weaknesses, blind spots, and beautiful gifts to share.

So, if you want more detail, and for me to answer the question already, here is my story, using the commonly understood pain experience of migraines/headaches as an analogy for v pain:

From 2004 - 2007 I had 365 migraines a year. It was hard to function or be happy then, although I still dragged myself to school and then work and back home again.

After three years I finally found some help. The migraines went away for a few months, but then I experienced some very stressful life events, and they came back. I then managed to find some other, new help, and learned and grew and changed, and my daily migraines dissipated. They became just plain old headaches, and then only intermittent headaches.

Now I have headaches a few times a year. They are usually pretty mild, the kind I don't even need Tylenol for, but on the rare occasion they warrant a Tylenol, I'll take it.

I think going from 365 debilitating migraines per year to the occasional mild headache is pretty impressive on the healing-from-chronic-pain scale! It is a fan-frickin'-tastic, raging success story.

As far as translating that analogy back to the v pain experience, in my "migraine" days I was in constant pain that would be exacerbated by even a slight touch, like wearing properly-sized underwear. All of my pants were two sizes too big, and I sought out jobs that allowed me to stand, as sitting was excruciating. Intercourse was a no-go (although I still had consistent pleasurable sex thanks to my clitoris. Oh how I love her!)

Now, with only the occasional headache, I live a normal life, with pants that fit - even tight jeans. I never worry about "How long will this activity require me to sit?" and enjoy intercourse and sex in general with such enthusiasm that my husband worries the neighbors will hear. 

Functionally, I am a totally different person. 

Another huge shift in my experience is that I no longer see pain as the enemy. It only crops up when my body is like, "Hey lady, I need a little adjustment here." It's my body's way of telling me that I need to change something, often in my relationships with myself or the outside world. I think the reason I so rarely need "Tylenol" these days (aka topical estrogen or some other kind of intervention) is because I have become so good at reading the messages of my body and responding in a loving way.

For instance, I get actual headaches when I am dehydrated, overdoing it, sleep-deprived, or stressed out. I get shoulder tension, forearm tension, and wrist pain when I am too long at the computer. Yes, these cues are annoying, but on the other hand if I take care of myself  - stay hydrated, get sleep, take breaks from the computer - the physical cues to "adjust please" don't happen because there's no need for them. That's pretty reasonable, right?

It's the same with v pain. I feel little warning twinges when my boundaries are being disrespected or I feel really angry but am trying to hold it in. Since I know this about myself, the slightest hint of pelvic floor discomfort helps me stop, take a moment to figure where I am being violated, and then adjust course. Presto, pain averted.

Am I guaranteed to be pain-free every moment of every day, for forever and ever? No. Have I become the absolute master of my body and can fix everything about it exactly the way I want, every time? No. Have I achieved some mythical state of perfection, and no longer need to keep growing and learning? No. Am I still a work in progress? Yes. 

Am I pain-free enough to live the life I want? Yes. 

* * *

I share this level of detail with you all because when I first started having pain, I couldn't find a single role model! I wanted to hear a hopeful story, but there were none to be found.

So now you have it. I have become the (flawed, totally human) role model I wanted, ta da! Even if your pain is debilitating and you are having 365 "migraines" a year,

getting better is possible.

I'm proof.

I'm here. I'm real. I climbed this mountain and you can too.

HUGS!

~ Faith ~

Yes, we're still here! and still talkin' lady parts!

Hello lovelies! Holy cow, it's June!

I realize that from your point of view it appears that this website has faded into non-existence, but in fact I have been in a 6 month email conversation with another writer across the pond in the UK. We'll be introducing her soon, but in the meanwhile it has been WAY TOO LONG without a post!

* * *

I recently saw an ad in a local magazine that caught my eye:

In case you didn't read all that, there's a woman who makes plaster casts of vulvas, as a tool for personal healing and self expression.

How cool!

It was a great reminder to me that how we view female parts is so closely related to our ability to heal them. If we think we are disgusted by them, or think that they are ugly, why would we set aside time to help them?

Learning to have a loving relationship with our bodies is an important part of cultivating the willingness to heal. If you are fighting for something you love and value, it becomes so much easier to set aside time for it, to stick up for it, to advocate for it.

If you suffer from v-shame - and frankly most women in this country do at some point - let me get up on my soapbox and say that in my experience, it is totally fun and rewarding to overcome it! Some suggestions:

1.) Check out books like Femalia or the wonderfully interactive Cunt Coloring Book. Hey, adult coloring books are all the rage these days ;)

2.) Check out art like The Great Wall of Vagina or performances of the Vagina Monologues.

2.) FIND YOUR POSSE! It helps SOOOO much to have a group of friends who love to talk about the almighty v or at least want to become someone who loves to talk about the almighty v. Fake it 'til you make it and all that.

* * *

Did I and do I still have an awesome v posse? Have they been an amazing help to me? Yes, yes, yes! But that is a story for another post...

* * *

PS In my internet perusals I found another woman making yoni casts. Her website has some good images of the process if you are intrigued. Scroll to the bottom of this link.

This was my subtle hint at yoni casting casting...awesome, no?

euForia?

My sister recently sent me an article about a new product to ease menstrual cramps, a THC and CBD infused vaginal suppository. Yup, THC and CBD as in weed.

I am intrigued.

Apparently the product, Foria Relief, was engineered to provide the cramp relief marijuana can provide without getting the user high. Awesome. I don't always cramp, but when I do they can be vicious and do not respond at all to painkillers, so I am definitely interested.

BUT I am also super curious as to whether Foria Relief could help women with really tight pelvic floor muscles. It is supposed to be inserted as high into the vagina as possible, to be in close proximity to the intended target of the muscles of the uterus. Could it also affect neighboring pelvic floor muscles?  If not, is there another way to engineer or apply the active ingredients so that it could be helpful?

Since Foria's products are marijuana-based, they are currently only available in California and Colorado. If you live there or close by, it might be worth talking to your doctor about it - or writing to Foria to see if they would be willing to collaborate with an OBGYN or PT to make a new product! That's not crazy talk - this product came about because an OBGYN proposed it to the company.

Also worth noting: Foria's first product was a weed-based topical libido enhancer, Foria Pleasure. I think it's really cool that there is something out there other than Flibanserin...you can find out more on the Foria website.

Has anyone used a Foria product? I'd be curious to hear of your experience!

Write for My V Matters - 'cuz yours does too!

So after a lot of dragging my feet and hemming and hawing, I have finally decided to move on from writing this blog.

What was the clincher? My uterus. I was doing a mind body meditation in which I was chatting with my body and seeing how it was doing and noticed that my uterus was kind of dull and drained. I checked in with it and asked how I could help, and the answer was loud and clear: "Give up the pelvic pain bandwagon for cryin' out loud! You've got one foot in, one foot out, you don't really want to keep doing this, and I am so over it." Since my uterus is the queen of my creativity, I heeded her advice. And immediately felt more energized.

Sometimes no amount of brain thinking gives me the immediate clarity of physical wisdom. 

I have closed my Yoga for Pelvic Pain MeetUp group, and notified another organization that I won't be available to teach for their patients this spring. I withdrew from a pelvic pain workshop.

And it feels GOOD.

* * *

What of this website though? I've worked so hard to make My V Matters matter, isn't that worth something? I don't want it to become one of those sad, abandoned blogs...

One option is to thank it for its service and kill it off, but I wanted to give you, oh wonderful community, a chance to keep it going.

I got this idea from another blog: writer rotation. Rather than remove the blog or leave it as one of those dreadful inactive ghost blogs, I would have another woman take over writing responsibilities for a year. My old posts would stay up, and readers would benefit from another perspective. At the end of Writer #2's year, she could commit to another year or pass the torch.

What is the benefit to you? I learned so much from forcing myself to write consistently on this topic. It encouraged me to be more active in looking for outside resources, and has also been a great tool for self-reflection, confidence-building, and learning to be more loving with myself.

Interested? Here's what I'm looking for in a second writer:

• Tone: I would like to keep the tone of this blog the same: honest about the challenges v pain presents, while still being hopeful and positive. We want to uplift readers, not bring them down!
• Content: I have written a lot about spirituality and the emotional side of v pain, but you would be welcome to take it to a more technical or science-y place if that floats your boat! As long as it is about v pain and your experience, that's cool. Also, I have chosen the written word as my primary medium, but you don't have to: you could provide poetry, video, music, visual art, etc.
• Your writing background: You don't have to have any special degree or background in writing, but it would be great if you enjoy writing and can write clearly, without spelling mistakes or grammatical errors (unless done on purpose for creative expression of course!) 
• Images: *Any and all images would of course have to be legally obtained,* ie your own or used with permission (no copying and pasting stuff off the web.) I learned how to use Canva (the free version) to create images for each post. You could use Canva as well, or provide your own imagery: drawings, photos, whatever.  If you are really opposed to images, it's not a deal breaker - maybe we can redesign to site to make it look good without an image for each post.
• Frequency: I currently write once a week and post on Wednesdays. You do not have to keep the same schedule, but I would like you to commit to completing at least 12 posts (ie one a month), preferably on a consistent schedule of your choosing. Of course, this is a hobby and not a job, so you might not hit that target, but I would like you to at least be aiming for one. (I don't want someone to pump out 15 posts in a week and then do nothing for the rest of the year.) Part of what creates community, and the personal growth benefits of writing, is consistency and showing up. :)
• Money honey! I pay an annual fee to Squarespace for hosting the blog and the use of their tools. If I am to pass the reins onto another writer, I do not want to keep paying this fee. If you are willing to take on that cost yourself, awesome, but if you are not able to than perhaps we can set up a donate button or pass the hat somehow? You don't have to be able to front the money yourself, but I would require a willingness to help me problem-solve that issue.
• General Awesomeness: Since you and I would be working together to make this happen, it would be cool if you are generally awesome: respectful, responsible, creative, someone who would be great to work with on our little two-person team, but also someone independent and committed enough so that I can step back knowing that the website is in good hands.

If you want to write for My V Matters for a year, please let me know by February 1st, 2016, and write a sample post and a paragraph about why you'd like the gig by February 15th, 2016. (That will give you enough time to write a post, but if no one is interested I'd rather know sooner rather than later.) Start time is negotiable, but I am thinking that you would be taking over by March 1st. You can get in touch through the contact page.  

Til then, to a happy pelvis!

2016 Patient Conference

Here I am, back from my break and armed with oodles of clarity for the coming year!

JUST KIDDING.

Turns out December is a terrible month to take a break from blogging if the goal is clarity of purpose.

I was so distracted by the holidays and its inevitable disruption to routine that I didn't get as much of a sense of how the absence of writing and teaching about v pain affected my life. 

As such I am still feeling it out, trying to figure out what my options are and where to head next.

IN THE MEANWHILE,

the Alliance for Pelvic Pain is having their second patient retreat May 20-22 and discounted early bird registration ends February 1st!

This event is unique in that it is an educational conference for patients, not doctors. If you are interested, you can learn more on their website here.

I hope your holidays were wonderful and you are excited about starting this beautiful new year.

Happy 2016 everybody!