Yes, we're still here! and still talkin' lady parts!

Hello lovelies! Holy cow, it's June!

I realize that from your point of view it appears that this website has faded into non-existence, but in fact I have been in a 6 month email conversation with another writer across the pond in the UK. We'll be introducing her soon, but in the meanwhile it has been WAY TOO LONG without a post!

* * *

I recently saw an ad in a local magazine that caught my eye:

In case you didn't read all that, there's a woman who makes plaster casts of vulvas, as a tool for personal healing and self expression.

How cool!

It was a great reminder to me that how we view female parts is so closely related to our ability to heal them. If we think we are disgusted by them, or think that they are ugly, why would we set aside time to help them?

Learning to have a loving relationship with our bodies is an important part of cultivating the willingness to heal. If you are fighting for something you love and value, it becomes so much easier to set aside time for it, to stick up for it, to advocate for it.

If you suffer from v-shame - and frankly most women in this country do at some point - let me get up on my soapbox and say that in my experience, it is totally fun and rewarding to overcome it! Some suggestions:

1.) Check out books like Femalia or the wonderfully interactive Cunt Coloring Book. Hey, adult coloring books are all the rage these days ;)

2.) Check out art like The Great Wall of Vagina or performances of the Vagina Monologues.

2.) FIND YOUR POSSE! It helps SOOOO much to have a group of friends who love to talk about the almighty v or at least want to become someone who loves to talk about the almighty v. Fake it 'til you make it and all that.

* * *

Did I and do I still have an awesome v posse? Have they been an amazing help to me? Yes, yes, yes! But that is a story for another post...

* * *

PS In my internet perusals I found another woman making yoni casts. Her website has some good images of the process if you are intrigued. Scroll to the bottom of this link.

This was my subtle hint at yoni casting casting...awesome, no?

Sweden = Awesome

Amazeballs!

I stumbled across this article the other day in the Women section of the Huffington Post. Apparently a sex ed group in Sweden decided to do something about the fact that there is no Swedish word for female masturbation, held a nationwide competition, and recently revealed the winner: "klittra," a combination of the Swedish words for clitoris (klitoris) and glitter (glittra.)

From their spokesperson Kristina Ljungros:

"If we don't have a word in the language, how can we even talk about it?"

Well said, my dear, well said.

The sponsoring organization, the Swedish Association for Sexuality Education, is currently lobbying to get klittra added to the official Swedish dictionary. It's not their first time playing with language - in 2010 they translated a Swedish pamphlet combating misinformation about virginity and the hymen, instead using their newly coined English phrase "vaginal corona." 

I'd love to see a national competition to create new English words not only for female masturbation, but also for female anatomy and experiences, words that celebrate sexuality, the body, and the feminine. Anyone else? Adding it to my to do list...

Happy Valentine's - I mean, Vagina's Day!

Tomorrow's Valentine's Day! And you know what that means - it's the most vulvovaginal day of the American year.

(If you know of a country or culture that has a more juicy V day than this, you know I need to hear about it.)

It's the time of hearts - believed to be a symbol descended from images of women with their legs spread wide, and using their fingers to pull the labia upward, turning the vulva into the heart shape we know and love today!

It's the time of year when stores and offices and homes are draped unabashedly in feminine red and pink, and rose sales skyrocket. It's the time for stupid articles about "What Women Really Want," hopeful yet unrealistic expectations, and many many bottles of wine drunken by hordes of both the depressed and proudly single.

But it ain't all about boxes of chocolate. It's probably the most popular time of year for productions of The Vagina Monologues. It's the high holiday for V-Day, the organization that fights violence against women and girls, the organization that birthed One Billion Rising. One Billion Rising puts on events in 200 countries in which women and men dance to protest the fact that one in three females will be raped or beaten in her lifetime.

And - with the notable exception of gay men - it is a time when millions of people have an extra excuse to relish the pleasure that the almighty V brings.

For better or for worse, Valentine's Day reflects the conflicted emotions, beliefs, and (mis)understanding that our nation has about women and their sexuality.

Yes, it's ostensibly about love between couples - but really, this one's about the ladies. Maybe that's because our national stereotype is that romance is inherently feminine.

And frankly, I'll take it. As a female I love to be associated with love, with romance, with pleasure. In fact, I want more of it. This planet could use a healthy dose of feel-good sumpin' sumpin' and I'm happy to supply it.

This vulva-shaped box of chocolate is for me? I thank you sincerely! I don't care how trite it is, I like vulvas and I like chocolate. Boom. A luscious bouquet of flowers in the middle of winter? Yes! That is perfect, as indeed my lady parts are springlike all year round.

I am happy to ignore the many ridiculous aspects of this day as I am too busy making it my own.

May you relish this Valentine's Day. May you celebrate the V however you damn well please: listening to symphonies, enjoying the company of your vibrator, dancing with the one billion, crying at romantic comedies, reading erotica, hugging a tree, getting swept off your feet by your favorite painting.

This is your day, and you and your vagina can do whatever the hell you want with it. 

Happy Valentine's Day, hot stuff!

More Good Times

My husband and I wisely tacked on a few extra days to our trip, so we could be together after my in-laws had returned home.

This was a great idea.

We got to connect and have some quiet time to recover from the hustle and bustle of family before we returned home. We had originally planned on staying in Miami, but on a whim drove an hour south and spent the weekend in Key Largo. It was our first time in the Keys and we had a great time, snorkeling, kayaking, splashing in the hotel pool, watching the sunset, and singing the Beach Boys "Kokomo" ("...Key Largo, Montego, baby why don't we go to the Kokomo...")

Here's another postcard I picked up:

And here's a gorgeous image I snapped of, believe it or not, the cover of the Florida Keys Visitor Guide in our hotel room (I wish I remembered to write down the artist's name!) I find the colors and texture of this painting so inspiring and beautiful. It makes me grateful for art and artists.

Thank you artists.

The time in Key Largo gave me time to reflect on the trip, and made me realize how far my husband and I have come from the deep and dark times of the pain days.

As much as I would never wish chronic pain on anyone, I am so grateful to myself for making lemonade out of this big kahuna of a lemon. I have learned so much about myself and life, way more than I could write here in this one post.

Within this post I can say that all of these lessons have brought me to a place where I can enjoy time with my in-laws, an area of life that is a struggle for many married folks. I am grateful for that.

Again my dears, there is light, there is hope. While pelvic pain is all bad, it's effects don't have to be. You have the choice to create beauty out of the misery you are in.

Much love...

Good Times

Hey all! Last week's posts were inspired by a trip to Florida with my in-laws. This week I thought I would share some images from the trip and thoughts I had, for funsies....

Here's one of the postcards I sent out:

We started out in Orlando cuz the in-laws had to hit up the theme parks and the outlets. Theme parks and shopping? This is exactly the kind of trip I would  never take. But as my sister says, we have family so we hang out with people we never would otherwise, so off I went, determined to go with the flow and have tons of fun.

And gosh darn it I did. 

I screamed on the roller coasters, stared in awe at penguins and dolphins, and went on every ride at the water park. I made up fairytales featuring my niece and her favorite Disney princess, Cinderella, as the heroines. I ate my weight in candy, and went along to the outlets and happily got some great finds.

It was really great having an opportunity to be with my in-laws in an energetic and happy, pain-free state, something I have (almost) never experienced.  This trip was even more fun than my first trip with them - before I developed vulvodynia - because I have grown so much and become a much stronger, more relaxed person. 

I share this to let you know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, that you too can heal your body, mind, and soul. Pelvic pain won't necessarily be around forever. Keep truckin', darling.

Good things await!