Good News on the V Health Front

I recently read an article in the New York Times about the rising popularity of period tracker apps, and how they are easing the taboo around menstrual cycles for younger women.

AWESOME.

I love news like this.

I myself have used a tracker app for years, and while I don't think they are the be-all-end-all in terms of changing the national dialogue on periods, I think they are step in the right direction. If we can learn to talk comfortably about something common and normal like (gasp!) periods, it builds a foundation for discussing things that are not normal, like v pain. 

Why do I not think they are the be-all-end-all? Because there is still a lot of negativity around periods that tracking doesn't necessarily dissipate. For instance, in my own life I've overheard comments along the lines of "I love my period tracker because I know when I'm going to be a crazy b****," or "Ugh, it warns me of the dark times so I can plan around it."

In these scenarios the app is used as a coping mechanism to deal with an unavoidable evil rather than a tool to build a better relationship with your body so your periods can be easy, consistent, and comfortable - the way they are meant to be.

I would like to see tracker apps go one step further and include some education about how periods do not need to be hellish, and if they are, how that means something is awry. I really wish that there was more education in our society in general on this topic - there is a lot of unnecessary suffering going on. 

Side note: if you have troublesome periods and it's news to you that healthy periods are possible, check out "Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom" by Christine Northrup for a nice introduction to living well with your cycle. If you want a lot more details on specific nutritional and lifestyle changes to support hormonal health, a great resource is Alisa Vitti's book "Woman Code" and her website www.floliving.comThe Red School focuses on the menstrual cycle as a route to psychospiritual and personal growth and leadership - a total 180 from how most people in our culture view them. If those don't resonate with you, there are plenty of additional resources, such as treatments and resources through the world of Traditional Chinese Medicine and other alternative and complementary care modalities. No need to suffer endlessly!

At any rate, taking menstrual cycles off of the "taboo" list is a great start to healing our cultural issues around periods and v health. 

Woo hoo!

Blogger Buddy Time!

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Last week I got to do something AWESOME.

After a year or so of email correspondence, I finally got to meet Sarah, the blogger behind When Sex Hurts There Is Hope. Yay! She was in town visiting friends, so we got some lunch and walked around Lake Merritt.

Even someone as public as I am about v pain still has a hard time finding other women willing to identify themselves as being in the same boat. Given our cultural context, v pain brings up enormous baggage: boatloads of shame, fear, and lots of other yucky stuff. Better to just shove it back in the closet and ignore it, right?

So I understand cognitively why there is so much silence, and I understand on a gut level because of my own personal experience. I took me a looooooooong time to open up about this topic.

But ya know what?

Shame derives its power from being unspeakable.
- Brene Brown

So when two women get together for something as simple as a chat, they are actually being amazing revolutionaries at the same time. (How's that for multi-tasking?)

Let's face it, it took Sarah and I heckuva lot of time and effort in the personal growth department to make that little lunch possible.

I am so proud of us!!!!!!!!!!

I love Sarah's blog because she and I have the same aim: to be truthful about the real, significant, and deep challenges of v pain while still being, as her blog title notes, hopeful. But of course her site is also completely different because it's being written by a different person having different experiences. I encourage you to check it out - she has some awesome posts coming up! 

 

Wanting

 
 

I've been reflecting on the act of wanting and the role it plays in my life.

Growing up, wanting was "bad." Wanting was covetousness or greed. Even if you wanted to do something good for the world, that was the deadly sin of pride. No matter where you stuck your foot out, wanting was trouble.

But it's really hard to get through life without wanting.

If you are going to be a productive member of society, you are going to want things. Some of those things are small and mundane, like paying the bills or remembering to buy milk. Some of them feel big and important: wanting to be professionally successful, or to find a partner, or to have children. 

Love, art, healing, connection, wisdom: so many good things come from wanting.

Even though I left the church where I learned that desire was bad over fifteen years ago, I still find the lessons ingrained in my mind. It's a reflex for me to reach out and then just as quickly pull back, before anyone has a chance to reprimand me.

I have come to notice what a contorted life that leads me to live! It's very hard to go after a goal if you don't allow yourself to want it. I find myself walking sideways and bending into all kinds of weird shapes as I try to get what I want - without wanting it. Tricky. (Not surprisingly, this method is often unsuccessful.)

One side effect is that everything has a back up plan. Instead of applying my immense creativity into getting what I want, I pour it into coming up with alternatives and trying to convince myself that those would be fine, too. Sure, deep in my heart of hearts I desperately want X but of course Y or Z would be fine! Just fine!

It's the curse of the good girl. Ugh.

So lately I have been playing around with actively wanting. What does that feel like? What does it taste like, to unabashedly want? To celebrate and honor my desires? (Yikes, just writing that I can feel the disapproval wafting from my childhood.) 

I have been told that wanting is courageous because it is a place of deep vulnerability, and I can see that.

But I am surprised to find that when I want, I feel grounded. I feel whole. I'm not lying about who I am or what my values are, or trying not to take up space, or trying to make someone else happy.

There is a flavor of wanting - proudly wanting something that is in line with your values and soul purpose - that has so much delicious integrity to it.

Really???!!! Really. (Why didn't anyone tell me that?)

When I fully want something, the gates open. My energy is cohesive and directed. I'm not scattered, trying to be a non-being.

This is a new world for me, for sure. 

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It is fascinating how desire can be so blatantly written off as "bad" when it's the impetus for all that is good in the world too. As far as I know English doesn't even have a way of differentiating between desires that bring us closer to the divine and those that bring us farther away. Sure, we all have desires that are worth overriding (like cutting someone off in traffic or generally being a jerk) but desire also brings us untold acts of love and kindness and beauty, fueled by our desire to connect with the infinite, ourselves and others.

Those are two very different things. Shouldn't there be two very different words to articulate them?

And isn't it also fascinating that desire and sexuality and creativity are all so intertwined, and that female desire is, in so many forms, taboo? (Are people scared of how much badness we would bring to the world if we connected to our desire, or are they scared of the potential tsunami of goodness?)

Of course, this being written by me, it all comes back to my body. How fascinating that my female organs - my organs most associated with fertility, creativity, pleasure, and yes, desire -have struggled with so much dysfunction and pain in this lifetime.

To Western medicine, my v pain is a chronic pain "disorder." Chronic pain doesn't make sense within that worldview. But sometimes when I step back and look at what I and so many other women go through on a daily basis, I'm like geez, no wonder my vagina spent so many years yelling at me to change.

I don't want to be in pain or wish it on others, and I am grateful that I have come so far in healing, but boy, don't tell my body that she didn't have a reason to send out distress signals. 'Cuz by golly she did!

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PS Did this post get your brain gears crankin'?

Feel free to start a conversation below (it's okay, you can be anonymous)!

 

 

 

Photography: At Rest

 
 

For some background on restorative yoga, read this post.

In order to get my Relax and Renew© restorative yoga teacher certification, I had to complete a project which involved teaching private classes and then submitting a report that included a write up of our sessions, student feedback after a week of independent home practice, and photographs of the students in their poses.

I found photographing people at rest to be a deeply sweet and profound experience.

How often do we look closely and lovingly at people doing nothing?

Never, right?

As I took snapshots on my phone, I would notice details on the screen that eluded me in real life. Oh wait, they still have some tension in their jaw...with my new insight I would go back and adjust a prop, witness the muscle let go, and photograph again. In that way, my phone screen became a learning tool for me.

But taking the photographs was more than helpful instant feedback. It gave me another way to interact with the sacredness of quiet.

Photographing someone at rest is totally different than photographing them active. No saying "cheese," no giggles, no rushing to get the shot before the opportunity passes. I had time to be slow. I set my phone on silent so they wouldn't hear the sound of a clicking shutter and be self-conscious. 

There is an art to being around people at rest, a way of maintaining your personal energy so as to be a reliable presence but not overbearing.  I have spent a lot of time in this space while teaching savasana over the years, but as I hold that space I often close my eyes, or leave them half-closed. That experience is more about sensing than seeing. With this project, I was in a similar quiet space but now had a camera in my hand: it required me to look at the student in ways I hadn't previously.

As they rested, I would notice the light on their face, the gentleness of the curves and angles of their body. Muscles soft, eyes closed...we may watch babies sleep, but I am acutely aware that seeing an adult surrender to rest is a rare experience in our world.

More than once I got teary as I saw how beautiful this person was in front of me: so complete, so whole.

I saw them for a few minutes as I imagine God does, and in that seeing saw myself that way too.

I felt so much love, sitting there in the quiet with them.

After our session, I would email the students photos and notes so they could practice on their own. I realized that I was sending them something even more rare than rest - an image of it. A portrait testifying to their inherent worth and dignity, a worth that no uncompleted To Do list can ever take away.

I am by no means a skilled photographer, but since we are such visual creatures this experience made me want to share some of these photos. Images have impact. How would our lives change if we were inundated with photos of beautiful resting people everywhere we looked?

For instance, what if rest took over social media for a day? Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and their brethren are filled with images of activity: "Look at what I'm doing. My life is awesome!" Psychologists have noticed that high rates of social media consumption leads to lower self-esteem and the related anxiety has its own acronym, "FOMO" - "fear of missing out." During my imaginary day in which rest takes over social media, I imagine everyone coming off of Facebook a little less anxious and a little more calm.

So while these were not art house quality photos to begin with and haven't improved much with my amateur editing (everything is classier in black and white, right?), I share them with you anyway. You know those gorgeous artsy yoga photos out there, all striking skinny beauty and bendy limbs? I now have a craving for equally beautiful shots of restorative yoga. (I'll add that to my To Do list.)

In the meanwhile, I will rest, and invite you to join me...

Many thanks to my students for giving me permission to use their images. Please respect them and me but not re-posting them. Thanks!

 
 
 

 

 

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PS Did this post get your brain gears crankin'?

Feel free to start a conversation below (it's okay, you can be anonymous)!

 

Doing Nothing but Not for No Reason

 

In July I took a restorative yoga teacher training with Judith Hanson Lasater. Restorative yoga is officially the "practice of using props to position the body to promote health and wellness," but I think of it as yoga to regulate the nervous system, and what it looks like is people lying still on pillows, blankets, and other "props" for 20 minutes or so at a time. 

Currently in the US, many people think "yoga" means an exercise class, but restorative yoga is not exercise at all.

It is wakeful rest. It is the art of doing nothing.

Turns out that doing nothing, while in a specific position, is doing something. Depending on how you position the body, you can help support its healing process. One pose can ease your back pain, another your swollen and tired legs, another your digestion. Poses can also be indicated for emotional support such as in times of grief. By resting in stillness, awake and with eyes closed, we can activate our "rest and digest" function (the parasympathetic nervous system, or PNS) the part of our nervous system that is in charge of all forms of maintenance, repair, and healing in our body.

The sympathetic nervous system (SNS), on the other hand - also referred to as our "get up and go" or "fight, flight, or freeze" response - is in charge of our survival and activity. It gets us up and out of bed, keeps us active during the day, and is in charge of the reflexes that keep us alive when we are almost hit by a car or mugged.

The thing is, we can't use both parts of the nervous system at once - it is one or the other. Either we are resting and digesting, or getting up and going. And the thing is, even when we think we are "relaxing," or taking a break, we are often still using our SNS: watching a scary movie, riding a rollercoaster, or exercising might be a fun break from your day job, but from the perspective of your SNS it is not a break at all! So if when we are "taking a break" our SNS doesn't get a break too, how are our bodies ever supposed to go into PNS and do the repair and maintenance work we need to thrive?

Given this knowledge of how our nervous system works, is it any surprise that in our "work hard, play hard" and "go, go, go" culture, more and more people are suffering from chronic illnesses?

I was already aware of the physical benefits of restorative yoga, and it is those physical benefits that drew me to the training. I wanted to learn more to help both myself and others. But what really struck me during the week-long training was not the physical benefits of the practice, but the importance of its spiritual lesson:

Doing nothing teaches us that we are enough.

So often we get tangled up in the belief that our worth is a direct result of our productivity. We feel good when we are productive, frustrated and disappointed with ourselves if we are not. If we are busy, we assume that means our life has meaning. Not busy? Then something is wrong - you must be lazy, unintelligent, not care about yourself or the group, or somehow be "broken or "less than."

It seems like lying around doing nothing would be an easy practice to teach people, and yet as I have started to practice restorative more and teach it to others, I am finding that's not the case.

In my effort to practice one pose a day, I come up against all kinds of emotional resistance: "But I have plenty of energy today!" or "I'm fine!" or (lately, in the past few weeks) "No, I'm too angry to be still!" I seem to think I need a reason to rest, or to meet specific criteria to do so. And yet I don't need a reason or to meet specific criteria to floss, shower, or exercise - I just do it as part of my daily maintenance, no questions asked. 

It fascinates me that the idea of rest as a daily health habit is completely foreign to me and others in my culture. Really? Why does a habit of rest seem so weird?

In teaching this practice to others, I got a rainbow of reactions.

I thought restorative would be a good introduction for people who have never practiced yoga before, and yet so far I am finding that newbies are among the worst responders. They like it when I set them up in a pose, but aren't willing to do the work themselves on their own. They aren't in touch with their bodies and so it's harder for them to feel the results and therefore, understandably, stay motivated.

The students I have taught who are accustomed to being with their bodies - so far these folks have been experienced yoga practitioners and/or meditators - they can see the value in restorative yoga, and will overcome the frustrations of learning something new in order to get themselves in the habit of practicing on their own.

It's also the second group that is more receptive to the spiritual lesson of being enough. As a group, they seem to be more aware of the pain the belief "I'm not enough" causes.

I initially took the teacher training for my own benefit and to pass on to others in my Yoga for V Pain classes, but I have become more interested in it than I expected. Seemingly simple, restorative yoga is a complex creature that reaches much more deeply than I realized, asking larger questions than I thought it would. I am looking forward to continuing to grapple with this, both in my own practice and in my teaching...we'll see what unfolds...

Interested in taking a restorative yoga class? Find a certified teacher at www.RelaxandRenew.com, and note: "restorative yoga" is not a trademarked name, so although it most frequently refers to Judith Hanson Lasater's work, sometimes people use that term to mean something else. Relax and Renew© is, however, a copyrighted term, so if a person is Relax and Renew© certified you know what you are getting into. :) Just a tip, I found out the hard way...

Next week I'll be sharing more photographs and talking about the effect photographing people at rest had on me. See you next week!

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PS Did this post get your brain gears crankin'?

Feel free to start a conversation below (it's okay, you can be anonymous)!