Photography: At Rest

For some background on restorative yoga, read this post.

In order to get my Relax and Renew© restorative yoga teacher certification, I had to complete a project which involved teaching private classes and then submitting a report that included a write up of our sessions, student feedback after a week of independent home practice, and photographs of the students in their poses.

I found photographing people at rest to be a deeply sweet and profound experience.

How often do we look closely and lovingly at people doing nothing?

Never, right?

As I took snapshots on my phone, I would notice details on the screen that eluded me in real life. Oh wait, they still have some tension in their jaw...with my new insight I would go back and adjust a prop, witness the muscle let go, and photograph again. In that way, my phone screen became a learning tool for me.

But taking the photographs was more than helpful instant feedback. It gave me another way to interact with the sacredness of quiet.

Photographing someone at rest is totally different than photographing them active. No saying "cheese," no giggles, no rushing to get the shot before the opportunity passes. I had time to be slow. I set my phone on silent so they wouldn't hear the sound of a clicking shutter and be self-conscious. 

There is an art to being around people at rest, a way of maintaining your personal energy so as to be a reliable presence but not overbearing.  I have spent a lot of time in this space while teaching savasana over the years, but as I hold that space I often close my eyes, or leave them half-closed. That experience is more about sensing than seeing. With this project, I was in a similar quiet space but now had a camera in my hand: it required me to look at the student in ways I hadn't previously.

As they rested, I would notice the light on their face, the gentleness of the curves and angles of their body. Muscles soft, eyes closed...we may watch babies sleep, but I am acutely aware that seeing an adult surrender to rest is a rare experience in our world.

More than once I got teary as I saw how beautiful this person was in front of me: so complete, so whole.

I saw them for a few minutes as I imagine God does, and in that seeing saw myself that way too.

I felt so much love, sitting there in the quiet with them.

After our session, I would email the students photos and notes so they could practice on their own. I realized that I was sending them something even more rare than rest - an image of it. A portrait testifying to their inherent worth and dignity, a worth that no uncompleted To Do list can ever take away.

I am by no means a skilled photographer, but since we are such visual creatures this experience made me want to share some of these photos. Images have impact. How would our lives change if we were inundated with photos of beautiful resting people everywhere we looked?

For instance, what if rest took over social media for a day? Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and their brethren are filled with images of activity: "Look at what I'm doing. My life is awesome!" Psychologists have noticed that high rates of social media consumption leads to lower self-esteem and the related anxiety has its own acronym, "FOMO" - "fear of missing out." During my imaginary day in which rest takes over social media, I imagine everyone coming off of Facebook a little less anxious and a little more calm.

So while these were not art house quality photos to begin with and haven't improved much with my amateur editing (everything is classier in black and white, right?), I share them with you anyway. You know those gorgeous artsy yoga photos out there, all striking skinny beauty and bendy limbs? I now have a craving for equally beautiful shots of restorative yoga. (I'll add that to my To Do list.)

In the meanwhile, I will rest, and invite you to join me...

Many thanks to my students for giving me permission to use their images. Please respect them and me but not re-posting them. Thanks!

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Doing Nothing but Not for No Reason

In July I took a restorative yoga teacher training with Judith Hanson Lasater. Restorative yoga is officially the "practice of using props to position the body to promote health and wellness," but I think of it as yoga to regulate the nervous system, and what it looks like is people lying still on pillows, blankets, and other "props" for 20 minutes or so at a time. 

Currently in the US, many people think "yoga" means an exercise class, but restorative yoga is not exercise at all.

It is wakeful rest. It is the art of doing nothing.

Turns out that doing nothing, while in a specific position, is doing something. Depending on how you position the body, you can help support its healing process. One pose can ease your back pain, another your swollen and tired legs, another your digestion. Poses can also be indicated for emotional support such as in times of grief. By resting in stillness, awake and with eyes closed, we can activate our "rest and digest" function (the parasympathetic nervous system, or PNS) the part of our nervous system that is in charge of all forms of maintenance, repair, and healing in our body.

The sympathetic nervous system (SNS), on the other hand - also referred to as our "get up and go" or "fight, flight, or freeze" response - is in charge of our survival and activity. It gets us up and out of bed, keeps us active during the day, and is in charge of the reflexes that keep us alive when we are almost hit by a car or mugged.

The thing is, we can't use both parts of the nervous system at once - it is one or the other. Either we are resting and digesting, or getting up and going. And the thing is, even when we think we are "relaxing," or taking a break, we are often still using our SNS: watching a scary movie, riding a rollercoaster, or exercising might be a fun break from your day job, but from the perspective of your SNS it is not a break at all! So if when we are "taking a break" our SNS doesn't get a break too, how are our bodies ever supposed to go into PNS and do the repair and maintenance work we need to thrive?

Given this knowledge of how our nervous system works, is it any surprise that in our "work hard, play hard" and "go, go, go" culture, more and more people are suffering from chronic illnesses?

I was already aware of the physical benefits of restorative yoga, and it is those physical benefits that drew me to the training. I wanted to learn more to help both myself and others. But what really struck me during the week-long training was not the physical benefits of the practice, but the importance of its spiritual lesson:

Doing nothing teaches us that we are enough.

So often we get tangled up in the belief that our worth is a direct result of our productivity. We feel good when we are productive, frustrated and disappointed with ourselves if we are not. If we are busy, we assume that means our life has meaning. Not busy? Then something is wrong - you must be lazy, unintelligent, not care about yourself or the group, or somehow be "broken or "less than."

It seems like lying around doing nothing would be an easy practice to teach people, and yet as I have started to practice restorative more and teach it to others, I am finding that's not the case.

In my effort to practice one pose a day, I come up against all kinds of emotional resistance: "But I have plenty of energy today!" or "I'm fine!" or (lately, in the past few weeks) "No, I'm too angry to be still!" I seem to think I need a reason to rest, or to meet specific criteria to do so. And yet I don't need a reason or to meet specific criteria to floss, shower, or exercise - I just do it as part of my daily maintenance, no questions asked. 

It fascinates me that the idea of rest as a daily health habit is completely foreign to me and others in my culture. Really? Why does a habit of rest seem so weird?

In teaching this practice to others, I got a rainbow of reactions.

I thought restorative would be a good introduction for people who have never practiced yoga before, and yet so far I am finding that newbies are among the worst responders. They like it when I set them up in a pose, but aren't willing to do the work themselves on their own. They aren't in touch with their bodies and so it's harder for them to feel the results and therefore, understandably, stay motivated.

The students I have taught who are accustomed to being with their bodies - so far these folks have been experienced yoga practitioners and/or meditators - they can see the value in restorative yoga, and will overcome the frustrations of learning something new in order to get themselves in the habit of practicing on their own.

It's also the second group that is more receptive to the spiritual lesson of being enough. As a group, they seem to be more aware of the pain the belief "I'm not enough" causes.

I initially took the teacher training for my own benefit and to pass on to others in my Yoga for V Pain classes, but I have become more interested in it than I expected. Seemingly simple, restorative yoga is a complex creature that reaches much more deeply than I realized, asking larger questions than I thought it would. I am looking forward to continuing to grapple with this, both in my own practice and in my teaching...we'll see what unfolds...

Interested in taking a restorative yoga class? Find a certified teacher at www.RelaxandRenew.com, and note: "restorative yoga" is not a trademarked name, so although it most frequently refers to Judith Hanson Lasater's work, sometimes people use that term to mean something else. Relax and Renew© is, however, a copyrighted term, so if a person is Relax and Renew© certified you know what you are getting into. :) Just a tip, I found out the hard way...

Next week I'll be sharing more photographs and talking about the effect photographing people at rest had on me. See you next week!

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PS Did this post get your brain gears crankin'?

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Cancer vs Chronic Illness

As of two weeks ago, I officially have cancer: basal skin cell carcinoma, arguably the easiest, lowest-impact, most curable cancer there is.

The experience of the last two weeks and my debut into cancer-land has been, uh, interesting from my vantage point as a long term chronic babe/ sick chick/spoonie.

Some insights into my surreal existence these days...

1.) It is fascinating, FASCINATING, having an illness that is not socially taboo. Whaaaat? I can talk about this like it's no big thang? Yes, yes, I can. No one gets squeamish or quickly changes the topic. Wow.

2.) But of course, people do seem to think it is at least kind of a big thing, and something that they ought to acknowledge when they see or talk to me. "So sorry to hear....!" "But you're so...." "It's just not..." Dude. Why have you never given a damn that I have spent the last 15 years of my life battling illness after illness after illness, all of which greatly affected my ability to function, and yet now that I have a growth that doesn't impact my quality of life at all I am now worthy of sympathy?

3.) Well of course because cancer can kill people. And to that I say, oh honey, my mortality is not news. It's the only thing on this planet that is not news. I will die and so you will you. And yet...cancer...! [Insert sucking in of breath, tears, clucking, soft nodding, blah blah etc etc...] The association with death gets the reaction, whereas I cannot pay people to give a damn about chronic pain.

4.) To wit: I will get to spend my birthday with my husband this year because that's the day my surgery is, and when you tell your boss "I have to drive my wife to surgery to get her cancer removed" you get the day off. You never get the day off because your wife has a chronic pain disorder. Just sayin'.

5.) Back to 3 - cancer can kill people. Yes, it can, but basal skin cell carcinoma pretty much never does. It seems almost unfair to call it cancer. Many people in my life have had what I am now referring to as "real cancer." Ya know, chemo, surgical removal of body parts, surgical mending of said body, weight loss, hair loss, radiation, deep suffering? Basal skin cell carcinoma is like being at the cancer dinner and sitting at the kids table. It's the junior club. Cancer-lite. Diet cancer. This is not real fuckin' cancer, people. If you wish to care for me in my time of suffering, then by all means direct your care to my many other debilitating issues.

6.) Oddly enough, cancer, for me, is the easiest health problem I have ever dealt with. (Back to 5 - of course this isn't "real cancer," but it is my experience of what is technically cancer.) Get this - they just cut the cancer off and it's gone! AMAZEBALLS. I wish one day of outpatient surgery was all it took to get rid of v pain, SI joint pain, an effed-up left shoulder, bum wrists, a non-functioning left knee, acne, period cramps, infertility, scoliosis, migraines....

7.) Despite the fact that this is the easiest health problem to deal with, it's the one for which there is the most support! WTF! So easy to get the names of good surgeons, hear about other people's experiences, learn what to expect, etc etc etc. Where was all this support when I really needed it???? Eyeballs popping out with frustration!!!!

8.) "But you take such good care of yourself!" I KNOW, DAMMIT. A lifetime of daily sunblock, hat wearing, and sitting in the shade did not prevent me from getting stupid skin cancer young. Neither did eating my vegetables, exercising, meditating, praying, or trying to live a good upstanding life. Because as I learn and constantly re-learn, life on Planet Earth has nothing to do with fairness. Not a thing. Zip, zero, zilch. Fairness is a stupid concept we teach children, who then think it should be there to support them when times get rough, but surprise, it never does. We need to amend "Life isn't fair," and add on "nor does fairness have anything to do with anything, really." So let it go. 

9.) I suppose because the carcinoma is on my face, I was referred to a surgeon whose practice also involves a lot of elective cosmetic work. (Or maybe not. It seems like many Mohs surgeons also practice cosmetic dermatology.) Understandable. Hilariously enough though, this means I get the same treatment as all the other posh people at the doctor for their expensive elective work. The waiting room is really nice and has high-quality chocolate and beverages out. The receptionist gave me a "welcome gift" for becoming a new patient. Upon receiving the beribboned box, I snarkily replied "Who knew cancer would be so much fun!" By the look on her face, she was not used to getting that comment. (In case you were wondering, my gift was a water bottle, chapstick with sunscreen, and hand sanitizer - all branded of course - packed in shreds of silvery mylar stuff.)

10.) Silver lining (in addition to getting to spend b-day with hubby) - insurance is paying to take this ugly thing off my face. Sweet! I've lived with it for years, thinking it was a scar that hadn't healed properly, and was super-irritated that it was so unsightly. But it's not a scar! It's cancer! So having cancer is like getting insurance to pay for elective cosmetic surgery to make me prettier! Cancer = I'm prettier! I can't believe I'm writing that. 

Can you see why my world is feeling so surreal these days?

Ugh.

Anyway. Yes. I never would have thought as a child that in adulthood cancer would be the easy thing to deal with, or that it would make me prettier, or that other health issues would actually be the hard ones, and yet that is my weird, weird, reality these days.

And if anyone tries to brush off your complaints regarding v pain, you can now tell them "This is harder than cancer!" Because, for one person at least, that is true.

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PS Did this post get your brain gears crankin'?

Feel free to start a conversation below (it's okay, you can be anonymous)!

Yoga for V Pain Classes! AWESOME

I will be teaching a dedicated Yoga for V pain class this fall in Oakland and I am so excited!!! It's been a long time coming, but I finally found a good venue at good time and a decent price. Live locally? Check it out!

Why will this class be so totally awesome?

1. Discretion! I am renting a studio, not operating under their umbrella, so the class title won't be on their schedule anywhere. The studio is on the third floor of the building and the main ground floor entrance leads to another business as well (a women's clothing store) so people won't know why you're walking into 1635 Broadway. Maybe you just want an awesome new dress or are taking some other yoga class, amirite?
2. EVERYONE will have some kind of v pain, so you can ask all your v pain questions in a safe, confidential space.
3. It's a series! We'll have five classes to dive not only into anatomy but also a variety of yogic approaches that you can both practice at home or use to modify other classes you take.
4. It's a series Part 2! That means it will be the same group of women each time. You don't have to be brave enough to meet new people every time, just the once. It'll be like a book club for your vagina...
5. Come as you are! V health is so glaringly overlooked in yoga classes that it doesn't matter if you are a newbie or a seasoned practitioner, you will learn something new and awesome.
6. Come as you are Part 2! It doesn't matter if you have a diagnosis or not. Show up and we can help point you to resources you may be lacking.
7. Beautiful space! We will be at Barefoot Movement, all hardwood floors and high ceilings and original windows. There are mats to borrow (no charge) if you don't have one, and plenty of props to use for what a colleague of mine's 3 year old daughter calls "cozy yoga." You'll see why...
8. Convenient time! 7pm Fridays, but not all in a row so it won't mess up your social calendar...
9. Free street parking after 6pm, across the street from the 19th St BART station, and close to many bus lines.
10. Finally meet some other women dealing with this crap and have a good laugh and a good cry and eat some chocolate already!

You can learn more at my website faithcornwall.com, or head directly to my MeetUp group to sign up. $75 for 5 classes (that's $15/class, on the low side of average for the Bay Area.) Handouts will keep you caught up if you miss one!

Be there or be square!

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PS Did this post get your brain gears crankin'?

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Lube-a-licious! Interview with Sarah Mueller of Smitten Kitten

Woo hoo!

I am so excited to share this interview with Sarah Mueller, an employee at progressive sex toy store Smitten Kitten in Minneapolis, Minnesota. I didn't know how much I didn't know about lube until talking with the fabulous Ms Mueller!

We like to assume that personal care products would not be on the market if they were not safe for use, but sadly that is not the case. Sarah's research led me to throw away all of three of my water-based lubes and replace them with more v-friendly versions.

Listen to the interview to learn more about lubes and how to select one that will enhance instead of harm your v health! You will notice that we reference some charts and educational materials Sarah made in the interview - you can see them below.

(If you're not sure what lubes can do for you, check out last week's post here.)

If you have follow-up questions you can hop on over to www.smittenkittenonline.com and Sarah will hook you up!

Without further ado, the interview:

...and the material we reference in the interview:

Click here for the link to the World Health Organization Advisory Note: "Use and procurement of additional lubricants for male and female condoms: WHO/UNFPA/FHI360." 

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PS Did this post get your brain gears crankin'?

Feel free to start a conversation below (it's okay, you can be anonymous)!