Interview with Melissa Jones: Part 3
Looking for the first two parts of the interview? You can find Part 1 (Introduction) here, and Part 2 (focused more on couples) here.
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Of course, not all women suffering from v pain are in relationships, and Jones works with them too. Being single doesn't mean you aren't a sexual being, or that you can't work on improving your sex life.
The work Jones does with singles is not greatly different from the work she does with couples. She may support her client in finding appropriate medical help such as a physical therapist, and learning how to use dilators to teach the body how to get used to penetration. Jones also works with women on finding their sexual confidence and learning what turns them on. This may involve educating her client about what the great wide world of sex has to offer, and teaching the client tools so she can explore and learn about herself: her needs, desires, and values.
Should her client decide to seek out a relationship, they can then work on learning how to communicate her new-found sexual knowledge and preferences to a partner.
While listening to Jones, it struck me that while in our culture we often assume someone's sexuality is dormant when they are single, being single is actually a great time to explore one's interests and desires. In a couple, you constantly have to deal with your partner, and it can be challenging to sort out what is them and what is you. But single? There is no partner to muddy the waters. You get clarity about you.
Should you then decide to go back on the dating market after your period of sexy self-exploration and clarification, you can enter with confidence and ease, rather than from a place of sexual starvation and neediness. How cool is that?
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The common thread between women and men, v pain clients and pain-free clients, couples and singles, is the need for communication: honest communication with yourself, and with your partner should you have one.
Due to this need for foundational communication skills, Jones believes in starting early. Teaching kids about sex is "not a one-time conversation," she says. She has taught her own kids that sex is supposed to be great, and that it needs to be done for yourself and to be in alignment with your own desires and values, not to please someone else. As a parent, she and her husband believe in setting a good example, by taking time to be together just the two of them.
These communication skills need to be emphasized as children grow beyond childhood: Jones encourages teaching high school and college students the practical tools they need to have a rewarding and healthy sex life as well, and of course the need for education continues into adulthood.
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You can probably tell that I had a great time talking with Melissa Jones! She has what I call "sexual integrity": a broad knowledge of what the world of sex has to offer, and strong values that serve as a compass, so she can navigate what's on offer and partake of only what will truly and deeply nourish her mind, body, and soul. She clearly loves helping other women navigate their own journeys.
If you'd like to learn more about or work with Melissa Jones, hop on over to the Sexology Institute and Boutique website. In addition to holding a wide variety of fun, informative, and juicy classes and workshops, they have a storefront that sells high quality sex toys. Don't live in San Antonio? No problem! Jones works with individuals and couples on Skype.
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PS Did this post get your brain gears crankin'?
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