You've Got to Be Kidding Me

WARNING: This post contains intimate details of my sex life, so if you are one of those people who read this blog because you are related to me and are attempting to be supportive but don't actually have pelvic pain, skip this post. (Mom, that's you.)

Here's the summary: this week SUCKED. I've had unprovoked vulvar and PFM pain for the first time in a year and a half every fucking day. Bullshit.

* * *

So last week, I was all Yay! Stuff is going well! This was last week:

I started doing my PT exercises on Friday, only 5 reps of two exercises (out of four. Baby steps.) I was fine after, even though I could tell my pelvic floor was overactive during the exercises. Saturday...not so great. Sunday? I had the time to do all four exercises. Go me!

Holy mother of god, do I regret that. My right hip rotators and PFM (pelvic floor muscles) were jacked up all freakin' day, and it HURT in addition to being that super-annoying-irritable-muscle-tension-that-won't-let-go feeling. 

But wait, it's worse.

(Really Mom, stop reading.)

On Saturday night, my awesome estrogen cream stopped working. Even though I initiated sex and totally wanted it, and had been FINE the last time I had sex, my lady parts were dry as a bone. It wasn't until a few minutes AFTER my orgasm that they got on board and became the juicy happy organs they are supposed to be. (Yes, after my orgasm, but no, not after intercourse - no fuckin' way would I have penetrative sex with my intimate geography a desert, even with lube. My clitoris is there for a reason.)

Sunday night, same thing.

Monday, three reps. Still in pain. But after doing only one rep of each exercise on Tuesday, I felt a bit better that day. Phew.

So what did I do on Wednesday? Like an idiot, I went back up to three reps. Bad idea. It totally jacked me up...even after I went back to one rep the next day. I stupidly hit and went right over that precarious tipping point.

So I am keeping my PT exercises at one rep, until I am certain I am out of the woods. I am taking all my action step: I have an appointment next week with my PT. I had a lengthy phone call with my gynecologist during which we dissected the vulvovaginal events of my life over the past three months. She still could't tell what triggered the sudden ineffectiveness of the estrogen cream, but proposed that we try internal application of estrogen - most of our lubricating glands are inside the vagina, after all. So I have something new to try there.

A yoga student of mine reminded me of the good ol' yoni steam. Haven't done one of those in a while, but I see one in my future. On another hopeful note, I did feel better on Tuesday after the one rep. Evidence that yes, my body does remember how a healthy pelvic floor behaves and is able to attain that state. This will calm down. It may take icing and yoni steams and hip and pelvic opening yoga poses up the wazoo, but it will shake out. 

I am doing what I need to to get better, but I am still angry at the vicious little beastie who invented vulvodynia. 

In short, this week SUCKED.